What is Your Window of Tolerance?
‘Window of tolerance’ is a psychological concept originally developed by Dr Dan Siegel, a professor of psychiatry in the US. It provides a helpful way for us to understand our capacity to cope with and manage difficult situations and the emotions that result from them.
As we move through each day, it’s normal to experience fluctuations in our mood and our emotions. All of us have an optimal zone for managing these fluctuations. This is our window of tolerance.
What Happens Within Your Window of Tolerance?
When we are within our window of tolerance, we have the capacity to figure out healthy ways to deal with and respond to difficult emotions. For example, you might be able to think about challenges or problems in a flexible way, regulate your emotions to prevent overwhelm, manage conflict and deal with stressful events.
Staying within your window of tolerance doesn’t mean there’s an absence of emotion. It’s not about being able to ignore or suppress your feelings. Instead, it’s the zone in which you can deal with difficult emotions in a way that feels manageable and appropriate. It’s where you can process things in a functional and healthy way. There are fluctuations within the window, but you can manage and cope with this too.
What About When We Go Outside Of It?
Outside our window of tolerance, above and below it, there are other zones that are less optimal.
Below your window of tolerance, you might find yourself in a state where you can’t access your thoughts and feelings very well. You might feel numb or shut off. In this zone, a person usually feels too little – a kind of absence of appropriate emotion. If you remain below your window of tolerance for long periods, you might feel quite depressed or dissociated.
Above your window of tolerance, you can experience high levels of agitation, overwhelming distress and extreme emotions. In this zone, a person usually feels very dysregulated and unable to manage or contain their emotions. This can be really disturbing. You might also feel impulsive or erratic and this can impact your judgement and ability to think clearly.
Is Everybody’s Window of Tolerance the Same?
No – the depth or size of your window is influenced by your experiences in life. For example, somebody who’s been through a traumatic event is more likely to have a smaller window.
All our brains are wired differently, and we don’t get to choose what type of window we end up. Nor do we get to choose the environment we grow up in. The presence of trauma in somebody’s childhood is likely to affect their window of tolerance. High levels of distress at a young age, particularly when it’s chronic, can mean missing out on opportunities to learn the skills you need to manage difficult emotions, making dysregulation your norm.
Ongoing life events and stresses can also impact where we sit within our window of tolerance. I see this as a capacity issue. If you’re constantly dealing with chronic stress on a day-to-day basis, you’re likely to be quite high in your window as a baseline, so it doesn’t take much to push you up and out of the top of the window.
How to Increase Your Window of Tolerance
The good news is we can learn to increase or extend our window of tolerance and give ourselves a larger optimal zone for managing emotions. The first step to widening your window of tolerance is to become aware of what that window is for you specifically.
Pay attention to what it feels like to be in the window, above the window, and below the window. You might notice you spend more time in one place than another, and you might see a relationship between the different zones. It’s helpful if you can pinpoint what it feels and looks like when you’re moving between them. Understanding where you are in the window will enable you to recognise where you need to be.
A person below the window might need to engage in activities and practices that increase engagement with the world around them. Movement can be helpful – doing something that raises your heart rate a little bit. Sensory stimulation can also be beneficial. Try thinking about the five senses. What could you do to activate each one? For example, smelling something, touching something, listening to something etc. Stimulating the nervous system will help you reconnect with the here and now.
Someone who is above the window might need the opposite. Their nervous system is already activated, and they might be highly distressed or anxious, so they will find it helpful to engage in things that are soothing and calming. For example, gentle breathing or a mindfulness practice. Comforting activities like listening to relaxing music, slowly walking outdoors, or lying with a blanket on the sofa can also be helpful
Everyone’s different, and this isn’t an exhaustive list of strategies, but it’s helpful to think about this principle when difficult emotions arise. If everything feels like it’s too much, you’re probably above the window, so you want to slow things down and focus on calming your nervous system. If you feel very numb and disconnected, you’re probably below the window, so you need to reinvigorate your connection with the world.
Find Out More
If you feel like your window of tolerance could use some work, or you’re struggling with any of the things described in this article, please get in touch. Alternatively, subscribe to The Trauma Toolbox to receive my insights and tips straight to your inbox every month. I also share lots of mental health education via Instagram.
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